Joy of driving

 Somehow, driving is a joy to me. Of course I don’t mean driving for a living or driving for very long period of time. I will get tired and sick of it if I drive for hours

But I definitely enjoy driving daily.

Now that I am retired, I get to drive everyday. Drive kid to school and then drive my lovely wife to office. And then I’ll bring her home after work. These 20-30 min drives are pleasantly joyful for me. I’ll still get mad at drivers in SG, there are so many fuckards here. But I think I mostly can manage it and still enjoy my drive.

It definitely costs me a lot over the last 20years. From COE of $10000 to $110,000. Hahaha

No regrets whatsoever. I cannot imagine my life without the joy of driving. I’ll drive until my health makes it risky and stressful. Perhaps by then, self driving cars will be the norm anyway. 

Still wishing the stock market or Toto gods give me a shot at owning a nice Porsche 911 😅

Feeling tired easily and falling asleep in afternoon

 These few days I got tired easily and needed naps

Had a run yesterday after the haze abated a little to safe levels for exercise 

I think sweating out helps

Hopefully this is just a passing phase and not something serious

I suspect the haze 

Still, must soldier on and have fun in life 

have you tried retiring?

 I tried. For just over 1 year. It was a test run

Test for few things:

1. How my finances will turn out without a salary for 1 year

2. How my life will be like if I no longer need to work

Results:

1. Finances worked out as expected. Cashflow came in, expenses were as expected. No surprises. Well, there was one, which was the unexpected bull run in SG and US equities, which meant while I expected my net worth to drop as a spend more than my cashflow, it actually went up. So all good. But I remind myself that it was supposed to drop, so this is a bonus, which I will save for a rainy day in future

2. I tried to have a routine of things to do, including extending my professional skills by learning (try to) AI, coding, some mini projects. I was too ambitious on that front. I didn't do any of those in deep, just casual reading for fun. But that was enough. I realised that retirement is not about trying to become better version of your past professional life. I no longer am obliged to be upskilling what I had been doing for past 20+ years. I should find things I like to do for fun, not for career progression, not for possible re-entering the workforce. But I know I must work my mind to stay sharp, for my own sake. So its a matter of what do to, and I know what not to do. Just find things that flow. No need to force it. One of the best things the 1 year trail taught me....eat well, rest well, and exercise well. Take good care of my body, and the days will be wonderful. I have built a routine of eating a good breakfast, doing good stretches, and keeping fit by cycling and running regularly, and also doing push ups and squats to build strength in my limbs. I want to be able to carry things, walk and run well into my 70s. To enjoy life 

It was a good test

But it didn't totally remove my self doubts about whether it will work out fine since I am still young. 

That self doubt was erased after I went back to work for a few months. 

It crystallised my desires and wants. It confirmed to me that, given my fortunate circumstances of having a choice to retire or work, I should pick retirement. My job isn't something that I am 100% passionate about. Yes, I liked it, since it matches my strengths. And I was lucky to have worked with very good people who cared about me and respected me. But its not a calling of life for me. Its just a job, to pay the bills, to build a financial nest so I can take care of myself and my loved ones. So if it has reached its goal, I must carefully decide if I should continue to chase more, or move the goal post, or to ack that this phase is over and I am going to life a new phase of life

What's my calling?

I don't know. Maybe I will never have one, and that's totally fine

I just know I have responsibilities to myself and my family, and I'll be happy as long as I can deal with those. That's enough. That's actually a lot already

I am not some super hero 

roller coaster emotions with stock markets

 After retiring and getting off a regular income stream from paid work, all I have is income from dividends and interest payments from my investments.

Bulk of it comes from investments in stocks

And, when the stock market goes down and up, man...its very hard to be not affected

my mood changes

I think this is not right

I already did my math and posturing

I have sufficient cash buffers in USD and SGD such that I won't be forced to liquidate any stocks unless something really drastic happens (so 99% safe)

So why am I still affected by the undulations of the market, especially in the short to mid term? Over many years, it will be up. 

Well, I am human after all, I have fears too

So I think I should go through these emotions vs trying to forcefully suppress them. 

Sometimes in life, we have to feel things

Just don't get down all the time

Have some faith and confidence in your own abilities, and in my case, my computations and estimations. 

As long as I stick to plan, watch my discretionary spending, it will be fine! 

lay offs at Netflix

Another well known tech company

another round of layoffs

By now, if you are still in tech role, you should already be numb to such news, until it happens to you

It happened to me in 2024 and it was not nice

But fortunately, I was financially ready to deal with it

And fortunately, after taking a trial retirement of slightly over a year, I felt I could do it for real. 

But I went on to work for another tech company, only to really confirm that I am ready to retire, and thus I left that company on my own accord barely 6 months into it. I knew I won't be happy holding down another job in office, dealing with requests and silly meetings and doing things that I no longer felt motivated to do. I was more keen on personal finance, staying fit, spending my free time and freedom doing whatever I want, and also be there for my family, be present. And at my age, I know my biological clock is running down and I simply cannot assume I can continue to work at the pace I was working at in my 40s. I didn't want to run my health down and suffer for my remaining alive years, when I have the choice to call it a day and move on. 

I think I got lucky to be that position of choice.

I hope the fellows laid off today at Netflix are likewise. I know some will be caught in a bad place, like maybe they just got married and a new place, or just got pregnant with a new kid. Its not end of world, but it can feel like it when you are in a vulnerable period of your personal life stage when a layoff strikes you off the income stream train. Wish you all best.

haze in singapore

 So, masks are hot items now. So are eye drops

But what's really hot are air purifier machines. These are literally OOS everywhere

Even the super expensive big ass Dyson model is OOS

Fortunately, uncle already have air purifiers in my home, one for each bedroom

And some had their filters replaced just few months ago, so I am good

I also managed to order additional replacement filters for the Xiaomi ones I had since those had been in use for over a year. Always good to get fresh ones while stocks are still available

Also, I got a box of N95 plus some 3D medical masks for use

I think that's the best I can do for my family short of buying air tickets and fly out to say...Taiwan or Japan for a long vacation lol

This haze is really bad. I don't recall experiencing such severe haze in last 5 years or more. 

WTF is really happening. 

No idea but surely, our competent government will be coming up with something to go after the perpetrators. Should jail and cane them! 

its so easy to make a report on reckless drivers, please always do it

 I had made at least 20 reports online to TP for reckless driving

And believe me, it works

Because TP had actually followed up over email with me to ask for more details on some of the reports made

This meant action will be taken against such drivers

So, if you ever encounter a reckless driver on the roads, please please take a few minutes to take out the dash cam footage at end of the day and send to TP via e-service website for Traffic Police

Don't be shy

Do your part to make our roads safer for everyone

When you make a report against such reckless drivers, you are doing your part to save someone's life in the future. That someone could be a chid, a brother, a sister, a mother, a father, and grandparent etc etc. 

Do your part

Almost everyone has a dashcam these days to protect themselves from accident insurance claims. So why not use the same technology to contribute to road safety? Do your part, don't be lazy. 

If you ket such drivers go, they will become worse and more brazen. And some innocent people will get hurt. 

Let me assure you, you will get good karma. And you feel damn shiok when TP emails you for more details. It means your report matters and made a difference!! 

What's your identity?

For men, most are tied to their jobs

How well they provide for their family, but that also is derived from how well they did their jobs, be it being employed or self-employed

What about me?

In my early career days, especially before my kids were born, that's how I defined my identity

I really worked very hard and derived a lot of self worth based on my work achievements

And when I moved on to MNCs, the money becomes even better and it motivated me

When my first child was born, my identity slowly shifted. 

Because I am a very hands on father. I can do all the caregiving that my wife could do. Not better, but I am decent. 

I think most modern men are like this. But there are also a non-trivial chunk who are not. They don't do care giving at all, unless their wife is not available.

So after they go home, they mostly just spend their time doing their own thing, indulging their hobbies. But their working wives, will do the care giving.

I am glad I intentionally hands-on for taking care of my children. No, I am not going to be a childcare teacher lol

But its the priceless memories

and its also my identity 

my identity is not just as a professional engineer, but also as a father, not just a provider father, but a father who raise his kids together with his wife as equal. 

what's yours?

Who doesn’t want to have fun in life

 I like to have fun too

I had many ideas and motivations before

But alas, life will mellow you in ways you don’t expect

How do you continue to be spontaneous and engaging when your partner resents you all the time? Especially when it hurts. The strange feeling that she will never ever treat your parent and siblings as real family. Just “no choice” but to accept unwilling kind of attitude 

Keep a distance type. View every intention with suspect type.

How do you keep having motivation to have fun with her in your life? Everything deflates. I just want to reduce to avoid disappointment later 

That’s how life can crush you

I want to have fun too

yes, your kids teach you life

 Sometimes, as parents, we always think we are the one guiding and teaching our kids

But in reality, its mutual

And sometimes, our kids teach us things that we will never learn without them

For me, my kids taught me things I didn't know or I didn't think I should know or I didn't know I didn't know lol

As they grow, they become individuals with own thinking and way of communicating 

And this change happens very fast. Too fast for me

So I get caught off guard

which ended up hurting them

Because I keep treating them as if they have not changed, which meant I ended up resisting the change, and ignoring the change, and unintentionally making them feel unheard and unappreciated, and being blamed for whaat they want to become

I must learn to keep up

I must learn to just listen instead of being quick to judge , quick to step in, quick to advise etc.

My kids teach me how to respect

how to respect their changes

their growth

and no, they fundamentally don't hate me, they just mad that I wasn't able to get them. 

They still love me. Which warms me to bits

These are the souls that kept me alive, brought me back to life

I will love them with my life

But love is easy to say, hard to show

I must learn and be humble to show love