Expect a circus if you hang with clowns

 Got this from a book I am reading now

So true

While I tried to keep in touch with friends since I have time in hand during retirement, it has come to me that no all are worth it.

It’s not their fault, it’s more on my choice on who to spend time with

I need to be careful on how I spend my precious freedom hours

I know someone I definitely do not want to engage unnecessarily especially face to face and definitely not 1:1

I tried it again recently, and oh how stupid I felt after that. To have wasted my time and his.

1.5 hours of chatting and it wasn’t pleasant for me. Left a bitter taste. I even had to almost tell him off at one point. Which I rarely do at all to friends. 

So now I know, I’ll not engage him again. He definitely has the talents to pissed me off (and others too based on my common sense)

I don’t have to change him. All I have to do is to change myself, change my selection of who to spend time with 

Easy! 

No more clowns. Humor is ok, funny is ok. But no clowns in life. Real clowns to me. 

Last journey of life

 Seeing someone struggling to breathe

Bedridden 

Unable to communicate clearly

How long does one want to be in this state if he or she knows the body will not recover and therefore the end is inevitable and soon? 

It’s a pain for both departing and those living 

It’s life

No right or wrong

Cherish our ability to move

To talk

To listen

To think 

What is singlish

Personally, it refers to the special terms that we tend to use, that efficiently and effectively expresses a meaning and intent in a way that makes you feel part of a community 

It is NOT when you speak and switch between languages whenever you feel like it, without any logic except being lazy. It’s horrible 

Try listening to someone talking this way, you will be very put off. Put off by the laziness and nonchalant attitude of the person when it comes to communicating. The person might have good intentions, but refuses to put effort into ensuring the messages are communicated in a clear and respectful manner

It’s one thing to use singlish terms but it’s another to simply switch to any language based on your own convenience 

It gives me a headache. 

I rather you use broken English peppered with singlish and Chinese terms, then you to use both broken English and Chinese in a 50/50 random split 

“Do you understand?”

“我不想去看电影”

This ain’t singlish 

This is plain laziness ending up forming a very very bad habit 

A habit that is hard to change

But causes tremendous damage

You get frustrated when people don’t want to listen to what you are trying to convey across, even if you are really making a good point about something. People will just shut you off because they find it very frustrating to try to decipher what you say, and probably felt offended by how you communicated, as it comes across as self centered and rude. Why self centered? It’s because you pick and choose how to say it based on purely your convenience in terms of how little mental bandwidth you want it allocate to speaking out the words. You don’t care how the other party hear those words. You totally outsource the understanding of your intent to your listener, making no effort to make your speech easy to understand. And it’s a vicious cycle. 

You get misunderstood 

And then you get more flustered 

And you run out of time 

And you speak even faster

And you code switch even more 

Then everything breaks down

So, don’t misunderstood this as Singlish

singlish is a class on its own

It’s a very short, sweet, straight to the point, humorous way to communicate. It’s not meant to be rude

It’s not meant to be casual to the point where you don’t care 

retirement vs no job

 People talk, especially older generations

They don't understand investments and passive income. 

All they know is you have to keep working until you cannot work

And then you retire with whatever you have saved up in your CPF and bank account and spread it over your remaining lifespan and wish yourself luck

So, when I said I am retired at 50, they look incredulous

What do you do in your free time? 

(not asked, but deep in thoughts) Got enough money meh? Need your wife to support you? Oh my, poor wife

LOLOLOL

I don't mind the entertainment, so I thought

But if this keeps ringing and also getting broadcasted, I am not happy

Because of the questions that will be asked, the assumptions, and maybe the looks on my loved ones, as if they are suffering

WTF

Also, don't ever tell them about your injuries. They will bring it up every chance they have. Make you feel like a handicap. 

Retirement means I enjoy my life

I am not an idiot , maybe I am, but don't think I am one

So don't think you are smarter

Don't gossip

Filial wrong direction

 Me trying to be filial 

But it’s off

I loved all

But I am torn

One side I want to and can

One side I want to but cannot

I will become a great sinner

So end up, the side I can I must stop

The side I want but cannot I will do the wrong

So both wrong

At least it’s consistent right ?

Else how do I face myself 

Me the fucking 2 faced Chee bye 

Power

 You have only one life

There’s nothing after that ends

This is empowering TBH

What’s there to be afraid of?

Why hold back on what you want to do? What you want to try? What to eat? Where to go? Who to piss off? Who to be nice to?

When you are at your last breaths, will you pat yourself on the back for a job well done to restrain all these from yourself during this life? I don’t think so

Hence it’s empowering to understand this shit

Live 

Just one event away

 We are just one event away from ending it

This could be it

The toll shows

Shows up big time

No talking 

No ask how are things

I don’t event want to bother

Why

Not sure

It’s messed up for sure inside

But will leaving make it better ? That’s what she always asked

How the fuck I know ?

All I know is it’s terrible now

The conflict feels

 Such complex feelings

Different relationships 

Different issues

But in same dimension 

Happening at same time

Life is complex

I want a simple life

Strength in dealing with departing

 We all think we can be strong

But when it happens, you can’t find the strength 

Even trying to say words that you think should be easy, you will freeze, tremble or choke 

So, when someone can speak calmly during these times, listen and be respectful. It takes humongous strength to do it

Such strength can’t be gained overnight 

It comes from life experiences over time

It also comes from inner core values 

One possible technique:

Take a deep breathe to calm down first, and try to imagine you are a 3rd party looking in from a distance. Then form the words and speak out without immersing into the situation. But do be aware of your tone. Else you could end up sounding cold and mean when it was never your intention

Don’t be a human gps without being asked

 Lesson to myself too lol