The cycle of life

 Which phase of this cycle are you on?

Just born into this world?

Growing up and enjoying carefree childhood?

Getting educated be ready for the world?

Completed education and going to make your mark in this world?

Found a partner and settled down?

Got a home and started to have babies?

Kids growing up and driving you mad?

Getting worried about losing your job?

Lost your job?

Getting ready to retire?

Watching your kids become parents and growing old?

Having more and more health issues due to old age?

Suddenly found you have a terminal condition like cancer?

Going though physical pain and mental torture as you go through treatment and having a view of end of tunnel?

Personally, that last phase is scary to me, but I know it will be inevitable. Key is to live a full life the way I want it before I hit this last phase, so I can tell myself by then "no regrets! this is it, last leg liao, but I have done most if not all the things I need. Awesome life. Just have to grind through this last phase, hopefully with minimum pain and suffering."

Some things can't be fixed, so what?

As men, we are pre-programmed to fix things when they are (or appear to be) broken. This can range from the leaky tap, the poor Wifi coverage in the apartment, but can also be relationships.

I think this program allows us to shine as providers and protectors, ensuring the home is safe to live in, the car is safe to commute in, the fridge keeps the food from going bad, the washing machine able to keep our clothes clean etc. 

However, certain things can't be fixed, as they are beyond our control (even if we naively think otherwise). And that is what stresses men out. A lot.

And most of the time, these things are tied to relationships. It could be the bad vibes between your wife and your parents. Or that between you and your in-laws. We tend to want to "fix" these things, but end of day, recognising these are not fixable is the key to living a happier life, at least for yourself. 

Being able to do that will also likely allow you to be happier no matter how your children turn out as they grow into adults and have their own families. You don't have to fix certain things. 

So what if your wife seem to hate your parents? So what if you feel your in-laws doesn't really care or trust you? It's entirely up to yourself to decide how to deal with it, and dealing with it doesn't mean fixing it and making the relationship "perfect". There's no such thing. Even you and your own parents will fight and disagree, what more someone who isn't raised by them (your wife to your parent, or you to your in-laws). It doesn't mean they don't love them, it just means the love won't develop to the same level as what you think it will be, but it doesn't have to be fixed. Of course, if the relationship has broken down to the extent of being hostile, that's a totally different situation. But small hiccups and disagreement, and even general coldness is actually ok. Don't force it, and don't be too bothered by it. Don't react negatively immediately to what's being said or done in the heat of moment. Everyone has emotions and will say wrong things sooner or later, and it's better to play it down and extinguish it with peace and understanding instead of fighting all the time. The anger of fighting doesn't make it better, it just makes things worse. If you can't fix it, at least don't make it worse, make sense? lol

Of course, you must draw lines that if crossed, you stand up and defend that line. But that line should be for something very serious, like physical attacks, or insidious thoughts, or pure disrespect that is unacceptable. Most of the time, I feel its just harmless rants, which if played down, will not grow into worse things. 

May peace be with you

staying on track in life - some tips

 As we grow into adulthood and beyond, life naturally becomes more complex, no matter how you look at it. Your job becomes more complicated, demanding and stressful as your income grows. You have more things to deal with at home, kids growing up, grinding for stressful exams, spouse also needing more attention due to work stress and health, aging parents needed extra care, peers/friends having more complex issues in their own lives. 

How to stray on track and stay sane?

I feel we should keep life as simple as possible. Only when things are as simple as they can be, will they be manageable to some extent. 

If you and your spouse are aligned and loving, then be 100% committed to each other, and be absolutely defensive of your commitments to each other, giving zero chance for others to step in. The only lust you have is for each other, no one else. Of course objectively, there will be nicer bodies, more sexy people out that whom may seem interested in you or look very available and easy to fall in love with. But ask yourself, is that even called love? Your wife is the one who went through childbirth to give you children. She lives with you, she sees everything you do. Your best and worst sides are seen by her and she is still in love with you and committed to you. No one outside will do that for you. They just want to have fun with your best side, your fun side, with your resources that were accumulated as a result of you having a loving partner and home as motivation. Once you resources are depleted, you will no longer be interesting to others. They will hunt another target. There are such people. So keep it simple, stay committed and dedicated to your spouse. This is simple instruction to follow isn't it? Not east to follow, but simple. And it keeps your life simple, because you only have to deal with 1 person, and there are no lies, no hiding, no guilt. You can stand tall and do other things in life with confidence. This adds to your success, sustainable success. 

If you have children, stay committed to provide for them. This simple rule then drives all your financial and career decisions, and also drives your decisions to take care of yourself. 

If you have aging parents, start committed to provide for them as they go into golden years and live out their remaining lives. You owe them this, but you also don't have to give up everything for them. This will let you live peacefully, and also age peacefully without regrets when they pass on. That peace is priceless.

Last thing : strive to live your best life for yourself. Enjoy it. No need to be paiseh. You want something, go for it. (of course it must not hurt someone and it must not be illegal lah!). Want to try a new food or diet, sure! Want to pick up new form of exercise routine, sure! Want to have a new hair style, sure! Want to try a new bed activity position, sure! lol

See? There is no need to over complicate your life, which is already complicated and complex by itself as it goes along. Stay simple, and it drives focus and clarity, and you can handle anything. And this flywheel comes back to help you stay focus and have clarity, and it repeats and reinforces itself. 

Wishing everyone a good life.

SG stock portfolio status Aug 2025

Not too bad. STI ATH, so naturally this feels good. I just don't want it to go up too fast, since that's going to run ahead of the fundamentals and crash later. 

Total S$1,302,053 as of 11 Aug 2025

Being number 1

In our competitive society, there is always ranking. It's not just the gold/silver/bronze medals ranks during sports day. It's about the academic ranking in schools. Who are the top 3 in class. Who are the top 10 in the entire school for this level etc.

Personally, I don't have any aversion to such rankings. It's something to work towards and focus your efforts on. I was lucky to do well in studies and thus had the joy of being in top 3, top 10 rankings in my school years for many occasions. Likewise for some running events, where I managed to go into top 10 in 2 years during my secondary years.

However, I never experienced being ranked number 1. Yes, number Uno. 

Now thinking back to these yesteryears of chasing rankings, I just realised I never got to 1 before. Now, is that important? Maybe, maybe not.  But I wonder how it would had felt, or more importantly, what impact it would had on my life if I had hit the top spot a few times. 

Would it be a lonely thing? Would I become arrogant? Would I lose the drive?

Or is it that important in the first place? 

At current age of 50s, I still want to be number 1, but in a very different way.

I want to be number 1 in how I live my own life. On my terms. Not something ranked against what others expect me to do. Well, what is good or bad definitely takes some form of reference to what others are doing, but being number 1 in your own life must always be on your own terms. Not some arbitrary metric score defined by some strangers.

So how do I get number 1 in life?

List out what is important to me as a person. As a husband, father, son, brother, friend, colleague. As an individual.

Be ready to adjust as I go along this journey, but be very steadfast in motion, and mission. Do not give up, do not settle, but be reasonable and be kind to myself as well. 

There isn't a set amount of money that I must have in my bank accounts, or the set size of my apartment. 

I must reach a stage where I am contented with what I have, while still being excited about life and still have to put effort to hit targets that have meaning for me, or at least, help me grow and be active while doing it. 

Life is meant to be savoured, tasted, experienced in all its glory. Never limit yourself based on what others expect you to do. But always be upright, honest, and have tons of integrity. That is number 1. And that is the most wonderful feeling I believe I can get in this life.