yes, your kids teach you life

 Sometimes, as parents, we always think we are the one guiding and teaching our kids

But in reality, its mutual

And sometimes, our kids teach us things that we will never learn without them

For me, my kids taught me things I didn't know or I didn't think I should know or I didn't know I didn't know lol

As they grow, they become individuals with own thinking and way of communicating 

And this change happens very fast. Too fast for me

So I get caught off guard

which ended up hurting them

Because I keep treating them as if they have not changed, which meant I ended up resisting the change, and ignoring the change, and unintentionally making them feel unheard and unappreciated, and being blamed for whaat they want to become

I must learn to keep up

I must learn to just listen instead of being quick to judge , quick to step in, quick to advise etc.

My kids teach me how to respect

how to respect their changes

their growth

and no, they fundamentally don't hate me, they just mad that I wasn't able to get them. 

They still love me. Which warms me to bits

These are the souls that kept me alive, brought me back to life

I will love them with my life

But love is easy to say, hard to show

I must learn and be humble to show love

Don't be good, be decent

 When I was younger, I was idealistic, much like most my age, but maybe more lol

I will tell myself "I will be a good son, good husband, good employee, good father, good friend"

Those are good intentions, but as I age and experience life, I have come to temper my ambitions. 

No, I haven't become a bad person lol

But, I am, somewhat more pragmatic and practical.

You see...the word "good" is very heavy. It means perfect, no mistakes, no errors, morale high ground.

It is not realistic at all, and to hold myself to such a bar, its being unreasonable to myself and others around me. 

No one is perfect, but we can all strive to be "decent"

If you want to be the "Good" xxx, it means you will be miserable since its an ideal case. More so, those around you will be miserable due to your pursuit. 

Now, I strive to be a decent husband, decent father, decent son, decent friend, and in general, a decent human being. This isn't lowering the bar. In fact, it is raising the bar. Because decency is not easy, but its actually reachable. So now, I have no excuse to not reach it. Compared to "Good", which is perfect, there is always a way out..."that's ideal case, not possible, so give me a break".

So, let's hold ourselves accountable by striving to be decent people. We will have mistakes, We will have our demons. But we strive to minimise those to our best efforts. We don't consider success to be 100% elimination of these faults, that would be impossible and too easy to discard responsibility as an excuse. 

pressure cooker for kids

 what's that? for them to cook soup when parents are busy?

No!

Its the pressure cooker education system they are in

No choice one. The system must churn out the best

And therefore, it must rigorously test them to sort them out

I went thru it myself. But without Internet, I was a frog in a well

I know my parents are struggling with providing, so I knew they sacrificed a lot to ensure we go as far as we can in our education path, to have a shot at breaking the cycle.

But without Internet, my comparison circle is rather limited, which ironically, helped.

I have some relatives and friends who are well to do, but not to the extent of the millionaires that we all can watch on social media on our phones now. I also have relatives who are like us, and some who are struggling more than us, but not to the extent of those we see on social media now. 

So its a small circle and a rather narrow spectrum, vs the large range and extremities that our kids are exposed to today.

They can see the top 1% and how they live supposedly, and the bottom 1% too. There is tremendous envy and discouragement looking at those top 1%, while there is also huge fear looking at those bottom 1%. I never faced this as a student. I know if I studied hard and get good grades and go into university, I can have a shot at living a lifestyle like my better to do relatives and friends. It looks achievable. Likewise, I know if I fail, how it would look at. Its not nice, but its not full fear. So there is a motivation to work hard, and a lack of fear of failure that is not like what my kids face today. 

They now compare themselves with the whole world. Its not easy and its something I myself find hard to empathise sometimes. 

But I know why and I must try hard to support them

I have the resources to help them, but its not just money. Its knowledge and experience of this world. I came from before Internet to Internet, so I saw both worlds. So I am in position to assist them in navigating the new world. 

My kids : I will help you. I am sorry you have to be in this phase, but I will help you. 

This is also why I never emphasised on grades for my kids. I don't tell many people about their grades. It lifts pressure off them. But I always tell them how proud I am of their hard work. But I also tell them, its ok to take a rest if you have to, the world has many pathways, not all require A in every subject. not all require you to be a scholar, or from a top university. Life will go on, and you will embrace this journey as I believe you try your best and its enough.

Love you both

Life happens

 Plans can change unexpectedly 

Sometimes, we have to accept it gracefully and continue our planned way.

Well, it’s better that way.

Nothings gonna change my world, as the song goes

Be happy, healthy, contented, and grateful 

Dignity and stupidity

 When you are so stupid to be naive and let your guard down, even the closest ones will step on your head

So, maybe it’s better to STFU and act cool

Don’t let anyone know what you are thinking or what your intentions are. Give conflicting but strong signals

Confuse them

Be firm when protecting your parents honor and dignity

 This is not negotiable 

You stand fucking firm on your stance

If someone, especially someone who you are not close to, shows disrespect to your parent, and your parent keeps quiet for your sake, you better stand firm and protect their dignity. It’s your duty.

Don’t let anyone step on you 

Your manners must match your job

 At least put in effort to contain your trap

Financial knowledge or common sense

 https://www.asiaone.com/singapore/man-loses-life-savings-becomes-taxi-driver?utm_source=a1home&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=a1trendingc&utm_content=x2

Which one?

I think it’s common sense 

You sell the roof over your head and your family of four. 

The $100k+ comes in

You feel loaded 

You jumped into a investment, $95k in

Zero diversification 

Super risky 

Online acquaintance, such a coincidence to show up right after your HDB sales proceeds lands in your hands

Bro, where is your common sense?

You left a job instead to accepting a lower pay to take a break for your medical issues. 

Then you went to start your own business (without solving your issues)

Then you sold your place

WTF

And you ask for crowdfunding 

Make your own decisions

 Don’t anyhow give up choices and decisions without thinking ahead of what you are going to lose

Don’t just say “I’ll go with whatever you decide” especially on matters that are very hard to reverse. You will lose control that will be impossible to get back.

You may think it doesn’t impact you, and you could be right. But think harder. It could impact those you care.

So, make your intentions and wishes clear. Don’t leave it to others. Don’t succumb to pressure to make a hasty decision. 

Worse is, don’t give up the choice to make a choice. 

Expect a circus if you hang with clowns

 Got this from a book I am reading now

So true

While I tried to keep in touch with friends since I have time in hand during retirement, it has come to me that no all are worth it.

It’s not their fault, it’s more on my choice on who to spend time with

I need to be careful on how I spend my precious freedom hours

I know someone I definitely do not want to engage unnecessarily especially face to face and definitely not 1:1

I tried it again recently, and oh how stupid I felt after that. To have wasted my time and his.

1.5 hours of chatting and it wasn’t pleasant for me. Left a bitter taste. I even had to almost tell him off at one point. Which I rarely do at all to friends. 

So now I know, I’ll not engage him again. He definitely has the talents to pissed me off (and others too based on my common sense)

I don’t have to change him. All I have to do is to change myself, change my selection of who to spend time with 

Easy! 

No more clowns. Humor is ok, funny is ok. But no clowns in life. Real clowns to me. 

Last journey of life

 Seeing someone struggling to breathe

Bedridden 

Unable to communicate clearly

How long does one want to be in this state if he or she knows the body will not recover and therefore the end is inevitable and soon? 

It’s a pain for both departing and those living 

It’s life

No right or wrong

Cherish our ability to move

To talk

To listen

To think 

What is singlish

Personally, it refers to the special terms that we tend to use, that efficiently and effectively expresses a meaning and intent in a way that makes you feel part of a community 

It is NOT when you speak and switch between languages whenever you feel like it, without any logic except being lazy. It’s horrible 

Try listening to someone talking this way, you will be very put off. Put off by the laziness and nonchalant attitude of the person when it comes to communicating. The person might have good intentions, but refuses to put effort into ensuring the messages are communicated in a clear and respectful manner

It’s one thing to use singlish terms but it’s another to simply switch to any language based on your own convenience 

It gives me a headache. 

I rather you use broken English peppered with singlish and Chinese terms, then you to use both broken English and Chinese in a 50/50 random split 

“Do you understand?”

“我不想去看电影”

This ain’t singlish 

This is plain laziness ending up forming a very very bad habit 

A habit that is hard to change

But causes tremendous damage

You get frustrated when people don’t want to listen to what you are trying to convey across, even if you are really making a good point about something. People will just shut you off because they find it very frustrating to try to decipher what you say, and probably felt offended by how you communicated, as it comes across as self centered and rude. Why self centered? It’s because you pick and choose how to say it based on purely your convenience in terms of how little mental bandwidth you want it allocate to speaking out the words. You don’t care how the other party hear those words. You totally outsource the understanding of your intent to your listener, making no effort to make your speech easy to understand. And it’s a vicious cycle. 

You get misunderstood 

And then you get more flustered 

And you run out of time 

And you speak even faster

And you code switch even more 

Then everything breaks down

So, don’t misunderstood this as Singlish

singlish is a class on its own

It’s a very short, sweet, straight to the point, humorous way to communicate. It’s not meant to be rude

It’s not meant to be casual to the point where you don’t care 

retirement vs no job

 People talk, especially older generations

They don't understand investments and passive income. 

All they know is you have to keep working until you cannot work

And then you retire with whatever you have saved up in your CPF and bank account and spread it over your remaining lifespan and wish yourself luck

So, when I said I am retired at 50, they look incredulous

What do you do in your free time? 

(not asked, but deep in thoughts) Got enough money meh? Need your wife to support you? Oh my, poor wife

LOLOLOL

I don't mind the entertainment, so I thought

But if this keeps ringing and also getting broadcasted, I am not happy

Because of the questions that will be asked, the assumptions, and maybe the looks on my loved ones, as if they are suffering

WTF

Also, don't ever tell them about your injuries. They will bring it up every chance they have. Make you feel like a handicap. 

Retirement means I enjoy my life

I am not an idiot , maybe I am, but don't think I am one

So don't think you are smarter

Don't gossip

Filial wrong direction

 Me trying to be filial 

But it’s off

I loved all

But I am torn

One side I want to and can

One side I want to but cannot

I will become a great sinner

So end up, the side I can I must stop

The side I want but cannot I will do the wrong

So both wrong

At least it’s consistent right ?

Else how do I face myself 

Me the fucking 2 faced Chee bye 

Power

 You have only one life

There’s nothing after that ends

This is empowering TBH

What’s there to be afraid of?

Why hold back on what you want to do? What you want to try? What to eat? Where to go? Who to piss off? Who to be nice to?

When you are at your last breaths, will you pat yourself on the back for a job well done to restrain all these from yourself during this life? I don’t think so

Hence it’s empowering to understand this shit

Live 

Just one event away

 We are just one event away from ending it

This could be it

The toll shows

Shows up big time

No talking 

No ask how are things

I don’t event want to bother

Why

Not sure

It’s messed up for sure inside

But will leaving make it better ? That’s what she always asked

How the fuck I know ?

All I know is it’s terrible now

The conflict feels

 Such complex feelings

Different relationships 

Different issues

But in same dimension 

Happening at same time

Life is complex

I want a simple life

Strength in dealing with departing

 We all think we can be strong

But when it happens, you can’t find the strength 

Even trying to say words that you think should be easy, you will freeze, tremble or choke 

So, when someone can speak calmly during these times, listen and be respectful. It takes humongous strength to do it

Such strength can’t be gained overnight 

It comes from life experiences over time

It also comes from inner core values 

One possible technique:

Take a deep breathe to calm down first, and try to imagine you are a 3rd party looking in from a distance. Then form the words and speak out without immersing into the situation. But do be aware of your tone. Else you could end up sounding cold and mean when it was never your intention

Don’t be a human gps without being asked

 Lesson to myself too lol

Basic decency

 Why would someone not even acknowledge a good bye especially when it’s from a family member?

To me, that’s lack of basic decency 

And worst, it’s likely to be intentional pettiness 

What a fuck

What a fuck

What a fuck