Strength in dealing with departing

 We all think we can be strong

But when it happens, you can’t find the strength 

Even trying to say words that you think should be easy, you will freeze, tremble or choke 

So, when someone can speak calmly during these times, listen and be respectful. It takes humongous strength to do it

Such strength can’t be gained overnight 

It comes from life experiences over time

It also comes from inner core values 

One possible technique:

Take a deep breathe to calm down first, and try to imagine you are a 3rd party looking in from a distance. Then form the words and speak out without immersing into the situation. But do be aware of your tone. Else you could end up sounding cold and mean when it was never your intention

Don’t be a human gps without being asked

 Lesson to myself too lol

Basic decency

 Why would someone not even acknowledge a good bye especially when it’s from a family member?

To me, that’s lack of basic decency 

And worst, it’s likely to be intentional pettiness 

What a fuck

What a fuck

What a fuck

Final moments

Many ways to go

For those who lived a full life to old age, how do you want your final moments to be?

Many don’t know

And do you care if your loved ones are by your side to tell you heir feelings before you go?

I believe those words and actions meant more when I am more alive. And those will be my memories 

 

If I am already mostly unable to communicate due to body shutting down, I don’t have to hear again

And it’s fine

Let me go

And let yourself go too and live on

That will be it

I think it’s inevitable

Fragility of life

 Videos on how the flash floods are taking lives in Nepal are appalling 

The power of nature overwhelms easily everything in its path

RIP to the departed and best wishes for the survivors 

It’s heartbreaking 

It’s also a stark reminder of how good we have it here

We must cherish our time 

Breaking an agreement

I can’t get over it.

We agreed, and I double checked to make sure you understood 

Then we proceed to act accordingly to our agreed plans

Then the agreement fell apart. 

Why

It’s not a game

You know it’s important to me or you don’t know? Or you pretend to don’t know?

How can this be treated lightly ?

It has such a huge impact on me. I almost couldn’t function. 

I couldn’t focus on work

It’s like my trust has been abused

I don’t have defenses against something like this happening as I never thought it will happen 

That’s why it broke me

It’s been about 2 years since 

But it’s like yesterday 

So fresh it’s the wound 

It didn’t heal

Still bleeds

It’s like a black hole

No light

mood swings

 its happening again

Nothing was wrong with life

but why

I seem to think I got it

I guess its the lack of closeness

the lack of talking

each day, just be on our phones, on our earphones until we sleep

and then I started feeling resentful 

resentful of what I need to do in the next 1-2 years

resentful because I know its going to eat a chunk of me when I do that, and its a big sacrifice, and yet my intuition and past experiences tell me that this will be a sacrifice in vain. I will be suffering for no good reason and I am thus wasting my life

I know even after doing this big thing, it's not going to matter, because it's only big to me. Its not important to others

No one will know my pain

I want to leave, but I can't bear to

its a struggle

its like a dead end

Importance of sun

 I felt lethargic for a good part of past 2 weeks, mostly due to recovery from coughing and a bad tummy.

I know I was on recovery path, but it felt that it dragged its feet.

So I decided to go for a weekday morning bike ride at ECP, when the glorious morning sun is out from 9am 

I rode for over 1.4 hours

It was a slow and leisure ride, with some stops to enjoy the scenery given its a week day and the path I took was really empty

Guess what? I was so refreshed for the rest of the day and the next few days!

wow!

I think baking in the sun for 1-2 hours does wonders for our health, both physically and mentally

Of course I will not go crazy and overboard, given that I don't like sunscreen/block and thus would not want to risk skin damage/cancer

While I am active, running and cycling every week, those are mostly during evenings or before morning sun is out

So from now on, I must make it a point to do a day of 9am run/walk/cycle to soak in some vitamin D (VD! lol )

kids

 I am happy

My kids are definitely on a trajectory that is good and likely to exceed mine

Not in terms of just finances, though that should be too given that I am setting up a good example :D

But in terms of maturity at their ages, sensibility and most importantly, ability to be critical in thinking

If anything, this is what I will be most proud of in my life. 

I will continue to devote my resources and time and effort to support them in this path. 

Smooth driver

Now when I drive, i pretend I am the transporter 😆

No I am not reckless

Conversely, I drive as smooth as possible 

No sudden braking, no sudden acceleration 

Avoid pot holes

Give way and keep and safe distance 

There’s a lot of satisfaction in doing it

It’s like a form of pride

Pride of your craft

I am not a taxi driver 

But if i am one, i will drive this way

Why?

Because I will want the best comfortable and safe and smooth but yet fast journey for my customer

I feel it makes a big difference 

I can feel my passengers enjoying my smooth driving 

I want to be known as a good driver 

Not a slow one

But a fast, smooth driver

That makes you feel safe and excited and secured 

Homes and memories

 I am in my 3rd marital home and this will be so for another 2yrs plus before we moved to the 4th one.

Each home we owned and lived in has immense memories for us as a family.

Happy times will be remembered 

Through photos of celebrations and joys and daily life taken in each apartment while we were there 

It costs nothing to preserve these in videos and photos so I take as much as I can.

Pretty sure these will be useful when I am old like in my 80s, when I am mostly home based and have lots of time to reminisce lol

Some people will so very attached to a home and refuse to move. I am not that type.

To me, a home is a phase. Once the phase is past, we move on.

I don’t forget the home. 

But I do want to make sure my kids can remember these homes 

Under weather

 Been feeling under weather these few days

I think it started from some stomachaches last week which has since cleared up 

I am eating well but there’s a lingering feeling of being sick.

No fever 

I decided to skip my jogging today to rest well

Age is catching up for sure but I think I am doing well. Regular exercise and good diet. More importantly must manage my stress level. 

Yes don’t get stressed or worked up over small things in life .

Life is good. Enjoy

Maybe I ate too much sushi for lunch lah lol 

Greedy pig uncle 

if you are retired and got bored and restless...do this

This is coming from real personal experience lol

Do house work.

Dust off things

make the beds nicely, change fresh sheets

Tidy up the desks of your kids

Arrange items that are on tables neatly. Go full OCD mode

Don't rush, take your time. Clean and observe the things

You will gain a new form appreciation of what's going on at home

You can get some level of accomplishments 

Either way, there is only positive feelings from doing it. 

Just don't go tire yourself or injure yourself doing very heavy things

When I wash my washrooms weekly, I don't just clean mindlessly. I clean intentionally. I make sure all corners are covered

I made sure places are kept dry

I made sure the glass and mirrors are shiny

I take note of stocks, like shampoo, toilet paper, toothpaste, handwashing liquid etc

I take note of wear and tear

These will then generate a list of to do to keep me busy

This isn't like a typical housewife/husband doing chores. These are not chores to me

This is me upkeeping the most important place, my home, for myself and my loved ones. What could be more important than this, especially now that I am retired and have time on my hand to focus on it?

Having a clean, well maintained, efficient, neat home does wonders for everyone. 

When my son comes home from a long day in school, tired and sweaty, a clean desk and made bed definitely feels like a fresh start again

Running a home isn't that hard. It's only hard if you pile into it too many things that require a lot of maintenance work. 

To me, the 2 biggest things that consumes time for a home are :

Cooking

House keeping

I don't have to cook, so it's just housekeeping. 

I use high quality appliances so they do their job well and they don't break down easily and they are also easy to maintain. Having to worry about breaking appliances and replacing them is not fun. I spend top $ for good washer, dryer, fridge, etc etc. These things are expensive but they are a joy to use and they last a long time as long you take care of them. They are also pleasing to look at if you keep them clean.

I don't have a lot of display shelves. Those are time suckers, They collect a lot of dust. 

I throw, recycle, pass on, things that I no longer need or use, so I don't need to store them and then carry the mental load of remembering I have them somewhere in my storeroom. Lesser is better and its true

I am not minimalist 

So, if you are bored, look at your home and find something to clean and tidy and fix. You won't be bored

The ugly not poor not wealthy ones

 Have you seen such people before? They are quite common in SG

White collar profession 

High income

Flashy car 

Flashy apartment

Branded everything 

Pretty/handsome spouse 

Kids groomed in a specific way, branded schools all the way 

Talks mostly about themselves, where they vacationed recently, how their BMW is lousy and unreliable, how their condo balcony is too big to keep clean easily, how their domestic helpers are struggling to clean their big house etc. 

they also ask very typical questions : where your kids are schooling, what job you do, where you live, what car you drive

All the while, they humble brag so as to be “humble”

These are the most mean, selfish people you can get acquainted with. don’t do it

They will bring nothing to the table as a friend. Maybe you think they can give you connections to better opportunities. I don’t think so. They will take more than they give, so think twice before jumping in. 

I have relatives who are like this. I see them once a year , during CNY. 

They shake your hand and say Happy New Year. But they don’t look at you. They look through you. Not even pleasantries are muttered. They just want you to see their performance. Their loud conversations.

It’s very very cheesy but also very enlightening for me. I keep a distance from them. There’s no need to engage. No benefits at all. All they have in their tiny materialist minds are “are they doing better than me, are their kids doing better than mine”. It’s reflects in the questions asked if they somehow end up seated next to you for dinner and have to make small talk.

I recall a few examples :

A : how’s your daughter O levels? Which JC she’s applying for?

Me: she did well and she’s going to XXX school. 

A: wow, nice. (Turns to wife) sure do well one, parents very smart mah.

Me : (my girl is seated next to me and hears it all) well, I don’t think so, it’s her hardwork and she earned the results. She worked really hard for this. 

A : (munches food) 

See? He got caught off guard right? Don’t be sarcastic lah. Don’t you dare undermine my child’s efforts. Yes she inherited my smarts, so you jealous is it? 

These are cousins who always feel they need to prove themselves because they didn’t do as well academically as us when young. TBH, it’s also a product of our parents generation mentality of always comparing grades of their kids. But come on, you are full grown ass man now. You cannot have your own mind?

Next one:

B: heard you are staying at this condo ?

Me : yeah we moved in couple of years back as first owners

B: Wah, make a lot of money already lor…

Me: well, maybe, but it’s our home and we are living there for long term, so the value growing is nice but it’s just on paper. 

So fucker, you asked where we stay to assess our finances? 

Let me tell you, I don’t do such low class shit. When discussing homes, I always ask about how was the place, what do you like about it. I won’t ask about profits, prices etc unless the other party initiated such a direction. Be classy. Not snitch and then pass sarcastic remarks to show your jealousy. And mind you, my teenage kid is here listening. We are the adults, behave like one. 

So, keep a distance from such people, relative or not. Doesn’t matter. Get them out of your life. I don’t need them and they don’t need me. 

Hot weather hotter drivers

 Well not all. But somehow , each time I drive, there will always be an encounter with impatient drivers.

To them : go to hell. That’s all

Pretty sure if you see them in person they are nice people 

But behind the wheel and pressed for time, they are monsters. Recklessly driving around, honking, overtaking, speeding, cutting queues, tailgating.

They hide inside their car when you engage. Thats how cowardly these people are. Strip them off their stupid metal box on wheels, and they are no better than the scums in society. Full of shit and full of themselves

As when we drive we get emotional but for me, it’s always due to these drivers 

Over time I am more better able to manage and have measured responses. The best solution is always to let them go first. Go first to hell. 

Then, made a recording and submit to TP if it’s an offense or inconsiderate driving. Just submit. I am a taxpayer and I abide by the laws. I’ll let my taxes do the work. Let TP go spend resources to harass and make life inconvenient for these jokers. They won’t even know what hit them lol. And I don’t even have to lift a finger to hurt them myself. I’ll let the officers do it, let the law do it. Fine, jail, demerit points, poor driving on record. All the best fuckers 

Stress display? Again?

 https://www.asiaone.com/singapore/elderly-man-shoved-floor-east-coast-coffeeshop-the-bullion-after-patting-childs-head

Now, if I have a little girl, I won’t be happy if some random dude just pat her, no matter how gentle it may be. We need boundaries. She is not your grandchild. You can smile and say hi, but you don’t touch. But I also won’t hurt the guy like what happened in this case, since it’s clear that the elder didn’t mean harm. I will be firm and let him know I don’t like that and ask him to keep a distance. End of story. Life goes on. 

Looking at how the mother reacted, she is definitely complicit in triggering the over reaction of her husband. It’s like how Will Smith went up for the smack after seeing his wife’s expression. 

It takes two to clap.

Why?

If the mother had reacted in a more calm and measured manner, I don’t think the father would had rushed back to the table since he seems to be at the drink stall getting something. The video has no audio, but I suspect she must had shouted or screamed. 

If you always make a mountain out of a mole hill, soon, your husband will ignore you or leave you. You are basically baiting him to be the man without being a real man. Even for small matters. You are the escalator. 

Of course the father is also one kind. You either have very little control over your own brain and body, or you let your wife control you. If not, why would you then seat down and offer a drink to apologize? You acted as if you were so right just moments earlier, ready to defend your ladies in your life. And now you say sorry to the “bad guy”?

There’s only one explanation. You let your wife control you. So you acted first without thinking rationally. Everytime she scream, you go beat someone up. You are a security dog?

Wish the old uncle speedy recovery and hopefully no long term injury that would affect his quality of life. A fall like that for someone in his age can be devastating. 

Wish the attacker get charged for causing hurt, and get punished according to our laws. He better compensate the medical bills incurred as well. 

He should also be the dishwasher for the stall for a few years to appreciate the hard work of our hawkers and stall operators. 

Stress display

 Was at supermarket to do a grocery run.

Approaching the banana stand, I saw a middle age man selecting bananas from the stand, his back facing me. As I approach, a trolley came in between me and this man. That’s a little abrupt but it’s ok since it’s very crowded today and the supermarket space is tight. The banana man put down his right arm after picking out a bunch of bananas and as he did so I think his elbow touched the man who was pushing the troller through. They stopped and looked at each other, I was expecting some murmurs of excuse me or sorry from either one but both kept quiet I think since I am so close.

Suddenly the troller dude started ranting and pointing fingers. “ so well educated want to do such things, purposely use arm to hit others!” And so on. They faced each other and I was right there lol. The troller man continued his berating without wanted to listen to anything the banana man was trying to say. Banana man was not shouting as I think he was also caught off guard by the unexpected outburst and he definitely didn’t want to escalate things. After a few shoutings and realizing he wasn’t getting the fight he wanted, the trolly man walked away mumbling and then told a young boy to follow him and said “don’t be like such people”. I didn’t notice the boy until then. Ong so this little boy around 6-7 age was his son and probably was scared. Or maybe he had seen such played out many times and got used to it, which is tragic. 

I tapped the banana man shoulder and told him it’s not his fault and there’s something off with the other guy so just let him be. He nodded and we went about our own business.

I am glad banana man is a mature and sensible fellow who could see beyond the immediate provocation and look at things from the correct perspective. 

I feel sorry for trolley man and especially his son. Hope whatever issues he was get resolved peacefully and he can rebuild with his son a good relationship as a father. 

It is also a lesson for myself as a father. I must have standards and especially when my kids are observing. They learn by example and leadership of their father. So be a good one. Learn to control emotions and restrain outbursts even when it’s a trying situation. There is not good outcomes when outbursts become uncontrollable barrage of fire. 

Cashflow from dividends and interests

 https://substack.com/@unclelimkopi/note/c-314426879?r=8h6mpk&utm_medium=ios&utm_source=notes-share-action

Fine line between hustle and manners

 Was chilling at a neighbourhood cafe this morning, sipping my Long Black and reading my ebook.

Suddenly I hear a thud, and I felt it via the table since my arms are resting on the edge. Then another thud.

Looked up and saw this young chap, probably late 20s to early 30s, crew neck tee and neat short haircut, plonking down his laptop, handphone, AirPods and power back. 

Come on dude, you need to announce your arrival is it? WTF

Then after he opened his MacBook, he let out a sign and said FUCK (not loud, but I can hear), walked off leaving his stuff on table

His food order arrived shortly and the waiter gently placed is down next to his laptop. The waiter was gentle, no sound. That's the right thing to do. 

After few minutes, mr bad manners came back, opened up his MacBook, put on his AirPods and joined a video call. His AirPods hasn't connected properly before he started the call, and suddenly everything was on speaker mode at high volume, and he is talking about trying to get his AirPods connected, while no attempts were made to lower the stupid speaker mode volume. Luckily his AirPods made it. 

Now, he started his meeting. He speaks with an accent, likely American or faked American, whatever, I don't care. But he was loud. So I can't help but listen in lol

Apparently he is like a manager, just assigned to a team who lost their manager, likely a lay off, that sucks. He he started talking a lot, mostly trivial to me, as he seems to be using many flowering words in the talking, not going for main points. 

To me, this guy seems to want to show the cafe how important he is. All those sounds he made are to get attention. 

Sir, you sure got attention...as a bad mannered immature punk. 

Yes, this is not a library, so I have no issues with noise. But I have issue with manners. You don't fucking plonk your shit down on table like this.

You don't fucking, of all seats in the mostly empty cafe, picked to sit right across me and start your fucking loud mouth "I am so important" shit show. 

Luckily I am mostly done with my coffee and was about to leave anyway. 

I am not impressed 

Good luck to you young man. 

I am glad I am over this work shit

Maybe you think you impressed me or made me envy you. LOL

I feel for you. All the best. You may be really successful in your job, but manners maketh man. Good manners speaks louder. Fucking brash, and thinking you are big fuck. LOL

Anyway, I am reading a nice book, and I am contented and thus I have time to reflect. 

It tells me that I should maintain good manners myself. 

Happiness and money

 In the last 2 weeks my stock holdings value spiked up, by around SGD $200k

I was euphoric of course…for a day. LOL

Sad face

So a certain amount of money will be required to be happy. But beyond a level, anything extra is bonus but don’t give you sustained happiness boost

The happiness has to come from within. It must come from being able to live the life you want, a life that aligns with your core values of what it means to be a person, what it takes to make a difference to people that matters to you. 

I won’t complain about my stock holdings going to the moon, but I want to say, it does give peace of mind but it is ultimately not a guarantee to happiness that is blissful and sustained